Stage

1

Seth

Fuck, fuck, fuck! I grab the handle of the door and swing it open as hard as I can, hoping to scare whoever was knocking on it.

A few steps away my twin brother, Liam, is standing with his arms crossed and shaking his head.

“What?!” I turn back into the room and search through my bags.

“Where were you last night?” Liam comes after me and closes the door again, giving us some privacy.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be in my own room tonight.” I finally find the jeans I want and toss them on the chair in front of the mirror, then I go back on the hunt. I need to find a clean shirt, this one smells like Florian all over.

“I don’t care. Where were you?” Liam grabs my arm and turns me towards him.

“None of your business.” I try to pull free but Liam is way stronger than me.

“You’re my brother and we’re in the same band. It’s every bit my business when you disappear for a night and then don’t show up for a meeting in the morning.” He pushes me back, forcing me into the chair.

Fuck, the meeting. It takes away all the anger in one go. We had a meeting with the producer about the new CD, that was this morning. Our second CD, the one that will show the world we’re not just one day flies. “I’m sorry, I forgot about the meeting.”

“I kinda guessed that. I told them you were sleeping off a hangover and that I didn’t want to disturb you because of tonight’s concert. But you better make it up to me, I won’t safe your ass again.”

My ass, the one still sore from the good banging I had this morning, on a kitchen table, in a bar. I feel my cheeks heat up and I avoid looking at Liam.

But Liam wouldn’t be my brother if he didn’t catch on to things like that immediately. “No way.” He sits down on the chair next to me, an incredulous laugh leaving him and he shakes his head. “Tell me it isn’t so.”

I can’t, so I keep my mouth shut.

“At least tell me you were safe.” He stands up again, pacing back and forth behind me.

“Of course. I’m not stupid.” I meet his eyes through the mirror.

“Did anyone see you?” Liam stands still behind my chair, leaning over so that our faces are close together.

“Don’t think so. No-one important anyway.” I look at our faces together. Just a few years ago our faces alone made it obvious that we were twins, but while Liam bulked up, I stayed lanky. Now, most people don’t make the connection until they put us side by side and look at us really closely.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Pretty sure that there was no-one but me and Florian on the roof and it was too dark for anyone else to see what went on there.

“I don’t even know…” Liam shakes his head again.

“Don’t worry. I probably won’t see him again anyway.” I stand up and check the clock, it’s almost time for the sound check. Anything to keep my brain off Florian. The way he looked at me after he found out about the brand, it wasn’t disgust, as I had expected, but it was pain. A pain that runs so deep that he probably won’t be able to overcome it to see me tonight. I take off the shirt and fold it up, putting it on a table.

“Seth.” Something in Liam’s voice makes me look up. “Did he hurt you?”

I try to laugh, but while my mouth makes a caricature of the gesture, my eyes sting and I blink fast to get the tears away. “No. He only hurt me in the way that is good. I hurt him though, badly. Before I even knew him.”

Liam steps forward, reaching out. “Do I want to know?”

“No.” Just like all the other times I protect him, or myself. Plausible deniability, such a great concept.

“Let me get dressed, I’ll be out there in a bit.” I steer Liam towards the door and the guy leaves.

Leaving me behind in silence, with my own thoughts. Last night and this morning keeps going through my head. The way Florian looked at me, the way he touched me. And later, the pain of my betrayal… Damnit. I need to pull myself together, I need to be my best when I’m on stage. This is important. I can think about Florian tonight, when I’m alone in the hotel. All alone again.