My Mate’s Dilemma

1

Seb

I have no idea how I’m getting through my days, though it’s not as bad as it was a week ago. I’m tired, exhausted more like it, and constantly anxious, though the effects of my heat are finally wearing off, so at least I’m starting to feel a little better.

I’ve called Destin every day, usually multiple times a day, just so I can hear his voice.

But no matter how often he promises me that things will turn out okay, I can’t seem to believe him, not really anyway. I’ve been trying my best to find out what my options are to stay at university while I’m pregnant and once I’ve had a baby, but progress is slow.

The university doesn’t really like the idea of a pregnant Omega attending classes, and times haven’t changed much since my uncle Wes started attending classes nearly seventeen years ago, when he already had a whole gaggle of kids.

The university’s statement is along the lines of ‘a mated Omega should take care of their family and not inconvenience everyone by trying to have a life outside of the house’, or, at least, that’s what it reads like to me.

They keep talking about how important raising kids is, how precious it is to be there when the kids are growing up and how they want to ‘think of the future’ of those kids with all the horrible rules they have in place for Omegas.

Mia has been really nice and helpful, especially when my heat was still really bad and I couldn’t really do much more than sit around for most of the day.

But I don’t want to ask too much of her, since I’m already asking her to lie to our families. That means that I’ve been trying to do the research on my own, which might not have been the best idea either…

I groan, putting my laptop aside. That’s enough for today. Enough disappointments in my fruitless search for the day. Life was going so well, why did it have to get so complicated suddenly? I never wanted complicated, I wanted simple.

Hell, growing up in my family was complicated enough. I never wanted any of that, I just wanted a simple life. And now I’ve just continued the chain of ‘complicated’ family life.

I need to talk to someone, someone who might be able to help but isn’t directly connected to it all. I look at my phone, coming up with one person I could ask, but I don’t know if that’s a good idea…

The problem is, I don’t know anyone else I could ask, at least not anyone who would understand what I’m going through.

Grabbing my phone, I scroll to my Beta mum’s number and then call it, quickly putting the phone to my ear before I can chicken out. The phone rings a couple of times and then she picks up.

“Hi, sweetheart.” Her voice is bright and happy, making me feel guilty for calling her in the foul mood I’m in right now.

Hey…” I don’t even know what else to say. I hadn’t really planned this. How do you tell your mum ‘Guess what, your son is making the same stupid mistakes that you made?’ And thinking that makes me regret calling her even more. What am I doing? This was a bad idea.

“What’s up?” Her voice is more serious now. “This doesn’t sound like you’re calling just to chat.”

“I’m not. I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have…” Maybe I shouldn’t have called.

“Hey, hey, Seb. Don’t do that. If you need me, you can talk to me, you know that. What’s wrong?” Her voice is soothing and calm, making me relax a little.

We’ve been speaking more in the last few years, especially the last couple of months, though, she’s still more like an aunt or something like that than my mother, she’s in a strange location between ‘parent’ and ‘aunt’.

Aiden and Clay raised me, they’re my parents, my Beta mum, Hailey, is biologically my mother, but we don’t have a close relationship, which could actually be helpful right now.

“It’s just…” How do I even explain it?

“Do you want me to come over?” She doesn’t live too far away, and she’s been to the apartment a few times, so she knows how to get here.

On the one hand, I’d love to talk to her face-to-face, but on the other hand, talking over the phone might be the safer plan, that way I can just disconnect the call if she gets too upset with me. But I need someone with me physically, in the room with me, while I talk about this, and that wins out.

“Can you?” My voice is a little rough.

“Of course. I’ll be right there.”

I nod to nobody in particular. “Thanks.”

“No problem. See you in a couple of minutes.”

After she’s disconnected the call, I stare into nothing, my heart beating in my throat. If I tell her about what’s going on, she might tell my dads, and what happens then? I don’t know and that scares me, but I need someone, someone who understands my situation, to talk to.

Someone who isn’t my age, but someone who’s older. Someone who’s already been here before…

***

“Hey, sweetheart.” My Beta mum, Hailey, wraps her arms around me tightly the moment I open the door. “I brought you some things to lift your mood.”

She lets me go and hands me a bag with boxes of all sorts of cookies and a box of my favourite tea.

“Thanks.” I give her a slight smile, relaxing a little now she’s here. “I’ll put on the water.” I put the bag on the table in the kitchen and then fill the electric kettle, glad to have something to do so I can avoid her gaze.

“So…” She sits down at the table, her voice soft but serious. “What’s going on? You don’t usually call me out of the blue. And you look… I’m sorry to say it, but you look like you’re in trouble.”

I let out a quick breath and sit down on the other side of the table as the kettle starts to do its thing. “I guess you could say that… I… Ehh…”

Tears spring in my eyes and I quickly wipe them away. I need to talk to someone, I need to tell someone how scared I am, but no matter how desperate I feel, I just can’t seem to do it.

I stare at the table, willing something to happen, but the words won’t come.

“Oh, Seb… Is it that bad?” Hailey gets up, coming around the table, and she slips her arms around me, from behind, pulling me against her.

At first, it feels good, comforting, exactly what I need. But then she pulls me closer and her chin bumps against Destin’s mark on my shoulder and I let out a short, pained sound before I realise what has happened.

Hailey stills and then slowly lets me go. My heart beats a million beats a minute and I brace myself as I expect her to get angry, upset, but she kneels down next to me and looks up at me, her eyes pained, filled with tears.

“Oh, no…” She lets out a slow breath, reaches up, and wipes away my tears. “I’m so sorry.”

I open my mouth, somehow not expecting this kindness, this sweetness, and it just makes the guilt of what I’m hiding worse. I almost want her to get angry with me, tell me I’ve been irresponsible, any of the thoughts that have been running through my head for the last week.

But she doesn’t, she just looks sad, and that’s worse. “I’m sorry too.” My voice is only a squeak. “I’m such a disappointment.”

She shakes her head quickly, firmly, frowning slightly. “You’re not. You’re not a disappointment, at all.”

My tears start flowing now, the pressure inside me breaking, my voice rough and wobbly as I push out the words. “I didn’t want to repeat your mistake… I wanted to do better, be better, but I’m just…” I squeeze my eyes shut, a sob making my chest tight, my breath coming out in bursts.

These thoughts have been eating me up inside for a week, and now I’m finally letting them out, I can’t seem to control myself any longer.

“You’ve never been a disappointment.” Hailey gets up, wrapping her arms around me, keeping me against her but careful not to touch my shoulder again.

“Sure, things didn’t turn out the way I’d planned them, and I got in way over my head, but you’ve never been a mistake or a disappointment. I’ve never regretted having you. I’m the one who should be apologising to you for making you feel like that. I’m so, so sorry.”

She holds me for a while longer and then carefully lets me go, grabbing two glasses from the cupboards and putting them on the table. She takes two teabags of my favourite tea and puts them in the glasses, pouring hot water over them, and then grabs a small bowl and puts it next to the glasses.

After that, she sits down in the chair next to me, her hand on my back as I’ve still not looked up. “I’m really sorry for making you feel like I didn’t love you, that you were unwanted. I do love you.”

I nod slowly, trying to take a deep breath. “I know. But, right now, that…” My breath shudders. “I’m scared. It’s all too much. How did you do it? How did you…”

She rubs my back, making soothing sounds. “I had my big brother. Once I’d told him I was pregnant, he did anything he could to help me. He gave up everything to be there for us.”

I stare at the steaming glasses of tea. “And then you left me at his place. You ran away. You couldn’t do it. How am I supposed to do this? How am I supposed to do this when you couldn’t?”

She’s quiet for a while. And when she speaks, her voice is soft, low. “You’ve got an amazing family who will support you. And you’re not me, that definitely helps. I couldn’t deal with the responsibility of taking care of an Omega child.”

She eyes the table in front of her. “I’d seen how my Omega siblings had been treated all my life and I wasn’t strong enough for that. I couldn’t imagine ever being good enough, or strong enough, to take care of you, to give you what you deserved. But I knew that Aiden would be able to. He’d been a natural at taking care of you from the moment you were born, so I knew you were better off with him.”

I’ve always known this story, we’ve talked about this before, but now I’m pregnant, now I’m dealing with these same fears, it hits me differently. I still don’t fully understand it, but I can now imagine some of the fears she must have felt at the time, how alone she must have felt.

Her parents kicked her out of the house and she didn’t have my biological father around either, she just had her brother.

“Daddy just did what he thought was best. He wasn’t naturally any better at it because he was an Omega or something.” My voice comes out harsher than I mean it to.

“I know that now, and deep down I knew it back then too.” She takes one of the glasses and holds it in her hands.

“But seeing him with you, making it look so easy, it made me feel even worse about myself. I now understand that it wasn’t just because I was suddenly a mum, that there was more going on, but it doesn’t excuse me running away. I’m sorry for all I’ve put you through.”

Letting out a slow breath, I nod. “I know. I’m not angry. I’m just… I’m scared. What if I’ll repeat what you did?”

“You won’t.” She’s quiet for a long while, and when she speaks again, her voice is softer. “Who’s your Alpha? How long have you known each other? Are they ready to be a parent?”

I bite the inside of my lip for a moment, but then decide to go with the truth. “Destin is the father. We…” I sigh. “We realised that we were mates a couple of weeks ago. We thought that we could stay away from each other, that that would prevent this from happening, but…”

“That didn’t work.” Not a question, a statement.

“No. Last weekend, we… No, it didn’t work.” She doesn’t need the details, those aren’t important now.

“I’m sorry you’re going through all of this. Do your dads know yet?”

I shake my head. “I’m too scared to tell them. I don’t want… I don’t want them to know yet. I know that I should—”

She puts her hand over my arm, giving a soft squeeze. “That’s okay. You don’t have to explain it. I understand the feeling. Do you at least have someone to talk to? Someone other than Destin?”

“Mia.” I shrug. “She’s the only other one who knows. It’s just… I don’t know what to do. It’s not like Destin or Mia can really help with that. They don’t… They don’t get these same pressures.”

“Do you want me to help? I don’t know what it’s like to be an Omega, but I know what it’s like to be pregnant and to feel scared and alone.”

“Please?” My voice is really soft, but I really need it.

“Of course.” She pulls the bag which still has the boxes of cookies in them towards her and takes out one of the boxes. “This isn’t going to be easy, especially not when your mating isn’t registered yet.”

“I know. But for that to happen… We’ll have to tell our dads, and we’re just… We’re hoping to come up with a plan, something we can give them to show that we’re taking responsibility for what has happened. That we’re not just… I don’t know. I just…” I’m starting to ramble and I’m just getting so overwhelmed again.

“It’s okay. It’s okay to not know. These are massive changes that you’re going through. We’ll work it out.” She puts a cookie next to my hand.

“Now, first, we’re going to get some colour back on your cheeks. You look like a ghost. And then we’re going to sit down and go through what it means to be pregnant, what you’ll need to do, things you’ll have to start organising, everything like that. You won’t need to tell anyone yet, you can do that when you’re ready. For now, small steps.”

I look her way, trying to smile a little. Having her here, someone who actually knows what she’s talking about, it relaxes me a little. It makes me a little less scared that this is all going to end in disaster.

Maybe things will turn out okay…

Maybe…