My Lover’s Will

1

Wilder

Going back to my own life after leaving Sterling and Maddy at the cottage wasn’t easy, I never expected it to be, but after a month, I’ve finally found a rhythm. I still have trouble sleeping at night.

My life is just too messed up, even though I lost Logan over a decade ago, losing him for good this time has done weird things to my mind. But there is finally some resemblance of normalcy these days. I’ve been working from home more, not really feeling like leaving the house most days.

But with my work, website design and maintenance, I only need to talk to people when I run into issues or during our weekly updates. Luckily most of the work can be done on my own. There’s just something about working from home that makes it all a little more bearable.

I move the stack of boxes from the table to the floor to make space for my lunch. I’ve been ordering a lot of things in lately, not really feeling like going out and be surrounded by people.

Though, some of the things I’ve ordered…

I open a box and take out a book about homesteading.

Yeah, they may be more than lightly inspired by a certain man I’ve met a few weeks back…

I haven’t talked to Sterling since Sarah picked me up. Nothing. Radio silence. Even trying to find an employee for him I’ve done through Sarah, she was the one who talked to Sterling and potential employees.

Although it’s not like I’ve got his number anyway, I gave him mine, but I never got his. So, the ball’s in his court.

Not that I wouldn’t be able to find him on social media, but I don’t feel like that’s my right, not now. Not after I made him promise me to move on with his life and not come see me. What happens next is up to him.

The stack of boxes on the table almost looms over me, and I consider, not for the first time, that retail therapy may not be the healthiest fix for me, especially not in the long run.

But for the first time in years I’m lonely. I’ve been alone for so long and was able to deal with that for all this time, but living with Sterling for a week… I can’t seem to get used to being alone all the time again. I get restless.

Sighing, I get up, putting away my plate, and make my way back to my office. There isn’t much else to do anyway. It’s back to work and little else.

As I enter my office, the bell rings, a loud and obnoxious sound that always sets me on edge. I grumble as I walk over to the front door. I thought I already got all my deliveries in for today, but maybe I forgot about something, wouldn’t be the first time.

I open the door and stumble back as I’m faced with Sterling. A very angry and glaring Sterling, even. Before I can say anything, he’s already speaking. “Who are you?” His voice is rough.

Eh? “You know who I am. I’m Wilder.” Did he hit his head and lose his memory or something?

“No! Who are you?” His breath hitches. “Why are you in Logan’s will?”

“What?” That came out of nowhere. I’m in Logan’s will? Why would that happen? Why would Logan do that?

“You’re in it. He leaves half of everything to you.” Sterling barges into the house, pushing a stack of paper into my hands.

I’m stunned for a moment, still trying to wrap my head around the idea of Logan leaving anything to me, let alone half of everything he owns.

“Have you read it?”

I blink, finally closing the door and walking after Sterling into the living room. “N— No. You just gave it to me.”

“You should have your own copy.” That seems to slow Sterling down. “You should have had your own copy delivered this morning.”

“I had… Ehh… A lot of deliveries this morning.” Ten, to be precise.

“You had to sign for it.”

“That too. I sign for a lot.” I try to rack my brain, trying to come up with what part of this morning’s stack of deliveries could have been Logan’s will.

Logan’s will…

I never even considered I could be in it.

Sterling gapes at me, which finally seems to get me back to action. I hand him his stack of papers back and walk into the kitchen, looking at the piles of unopened boxes on and around the table. Yeah… This isn’t going to be the easiest task.

“Oh.” Sterling has apparently followed me, now obviously seeing the same thing. “I see what you mean. A small, flat, white and rectangle box probably wouldn’t tell you anything.”

“No.” I sigh. “A name?”

“I… I don’t recall.” He seems to have finally calmed down some, which I guess is a good thing, I don’t like seeing him upset.

“Okay.” I open the top box. A cookbook on how to use seasonal fruits and vegetables. I eye Sterling, who just looks puzzled. The next box I open has a gardening book, and the next one another cookbook. I stack them next to the pile of boxes, one stack shrinking and the other one growing.

I open a few more boxes before Sterling speaks up. “Wilder?” His voice is uncertain. “What is all…”

“Reading material?” I can’t face him because I’m sure it’s pretty obvious what I’ve been doing. I open one box, and quickly close it again, putting it aside. Porn, a lovely extra gift after subscribing to an online service… I hesitate as I open the next box, looking up at Sterling.

His eyes on me are heavy, a combination of confusion and sadness. I know that I told him to forget about me, but I may not have kept to the same rules… I may not have been able to just forget about him.

“Sorry.” I finally open the box fully and inside is an envelope.

“That’s it.” Sterling’s voice is soft.

I nod, pulling the envelope out and opening it. Inside is indeed a stack of paper, and a heavy feeling settles in my stomach. In some corner of my mind, I hoped Sterling was wrong, but the fact that I’ve received Logan’s will makes this all the more a reality by the moment. “What— What does it say?” I don’t want to read it, I don’t want to face this.

“He leaves half of the company to you and part of the house, also some money.” His voice is flat, and even though I asked, I don’t really want to hear it. I don’t want to hear about what Logan left me, because, if he did, that means that he still thought of me. That means that he didn’t fully cut ties with me either…

“This has to be a mistake. When was this updated?” It can’t be true, it cannot be true.

“Two years ago. The date is on the front.”

“Right.” Two years. That means that it’s recent. At least recent enough. “Fuck.” I cover my mouth with my hand, trying to keep the gasp inside, trying to keep the sadness inside.

Two years. I slide to the floor, my legs giving out under me, my brain running in circles. Logan wrote me into his will, even after all these years… I’ve been alone for ten years, and he… He did this. He did still think of me, even though I was alone. He had his whole new family and I… I had nothing.

“Who are you to Logan?” Sterling also sits down, far enough that I can’t touch him, but close enough that he is near.

I can’t answer that, not after having hidden our past from Sterling for so long. I don’t even know where to begin, don’t even know how to say any of this. I squeeze my hands, I don’t want to answer.

“Answer me.” Sterling reaches out, gripping my arm, his fingers strong.

“I can’t.” I shake my head, my voice breaking. This isn’t just about me, telling Sterling will change everything he knew about Logan, about Logan’s past. Can I risk that?

“Why not? What happened between you two that he will leave half of everything he owns to you? You’re not just an old friend, you don’t do that for just anyone.” Sterling pulls on my arm, trying to get me to face him. “Wild?”

I flinch. Hearing him say that name, now. A slow whine starts in my chest, so painful. This is all too painful.

I thought I’d lost him forever, but maybe I never had. It’s confusing. Like everything that happened that first day I walked into the cottage. So many things were exactly as they were at home, so many other things were exactly as we had dreamed them to be in the future.

It was like he’d never moved on, it was like he just moved someone else in my place. Like Sterling was my replacement, or worse, that I was just a stand-in for when he found his real mate.

And now, is this his final ‘fuck you’ to me? To leave me part of a house that we dreamed about together? To leave me a company he knew I’d be able to run, a company not in his area of expertise, but mine? To leave…

I look up at Sterling, realisation setting in, to leave things to me that he knew would lead me to his Omega, to his little family? Fuck.

I stand up as I see a smaller envelope slide from between the pages of the will. A small envelope with my name on it in Logan’s awful scrawl. I take it, looking at Sterling, who shakes his head, so no help there.

With shaking fingers, I open the envelope, inside there is a note, undated.

My sweet Wild,

I know I left you, and by the time you read this, you’ll probably have at least heard about my death.

I’d like to think that when this happens, you’ll grant me my wish and take care of Sterling and Maddy (and maybe other children by then).

I know I hurt you and that was wrong. I’ve been egoistic by hiding from you for so long.

Please care for them like you cared for me.

I love you.

Past, present and future, forever yours.

Lo

Oh, crap. Someone could have… warned me.

I drop everything, stumbling to my bedroom and let myself fall on the bed. Sadness, tears I didn’t even know I still had, anger, frustration, it all comes out as I scream into my covers.

This is not fair. He can’t do this to me. To us. To Sterling. He can’t just hand Sterling over to someone, to me.

No matter how well Logan and I knew each other, no matter how much he trusts me. But there is something missing from the letter. Something that has been nagging at me ever since I met Sterling at the funeral.

If Logan mated me and then mated Sterling, did he know that if I met Sterling, I would mate him too? Or at least would be able to? Did he know? Did he plan for this?

I can’t think clearly anymore, the letter not making things better, only worse. Because if Logan knew, or at least suspected that I could or would also mate Sterling, then he’s been hiding his family from me…

No, rephrase.

If he knew this, he’s been hiding our family from me. Or was it the other way around, was he hiding me from our family?

My brain hurts.

When he left me, I was in pain and confused… Now? That confusion has only gotten worse.

Next to me, the bed dips. “Wilder?” Sterling touches my back softly. “What’s going on?”

I open my mouth, shaking my head. Then I turn to Sterling, looking up at him, reaching out but not touching him.

He reaches for my hand, putting it on his cheek and holding it there. “You’re so quiet. It worries me.”

I run my finger over his lower lip, and he follows it shortly after with the tip of his tongue. “I don’t know.” My breath hitches.

“You weren’t expecting this.” It’s not a question but a statement, I still answer him as I shake my head. Then his face changes a little. “Were you ever expecting to see me again?”

I shake my head again. “No.” My voice is hoarse, broken.

“Then why did you buy the books?”

“I don’t know. I guess I wanted to know about your life.” About the life he had with Logan…

“Without me?” There is hurt in his voice, and I don’t blame him. Doing this, I’m as messed up as Logan was.

“Maybe.”

That doesn’t seem to be the right answer, but I guess he knows that he won’t get more from me, at least for now. “Wild…” I flinch again, this time his eyes focus on me, and his frown deepens. “I wish you’d talk to me. I want to help you, but you don’t seem to let me.”

“I don’t need help.” I sit up. “I need to be alone.”

Sterling shakes his head. “Tough luck. There is no going back to how you were before. Not anymore, not after what happened when I went into heat.”

I twist around, not sure I understand exactly what he is saying, but the resolute look in his eyes tell me more than his words do. “What?” My heart sinks.

No. No, no, no.