***

It occurs to me how easily she has accepted me being here, or, maybe it’s just that she accepts me being here for now. I imagine that there have been people in and out of the house all week since Logan passed away. In front of Sterling’s door, I’m not so sure if I should have come with Maddy, I can already smell Sterling’s heat.

Maddy knocks on the door. “Daddy?”

“Yeah, baby?” Sterling’s voice is a little rough.

“Can I come in?” She waits impatiently for his answer.

I hear some rustling inside, then Sterling speaks again. “Sure, come on in.”

Maddy opens the door and rushes in, crossing the distance of the room in no-time, climbing in bed with her daddy. “Are you sick? Do you feel ill? Are you sleepy?” She keeps asking him questions.

Sterling’s scent is strong, though not strong enough that I can’t resist it right now. It will probably be a lot worse again tonight, as an Omega’s scent and hormones will drop just after sex, only to rise again a couple of hours later, until the point where it drives Alphas, like me, crazy.

Sterling’s eyes are on me as he answers her. “I’m fine. Just feeling a little tired right now.” His face is still flushed, his eyes a little hazy and red-rimmed.

I step into the room, wandering over to the bed and put my hand to his cheek. “You’re a little hot. Maybe you should stay in bed. I’ll have Maddy bring you breakfast.” As I know that I shouldn’t be around Sterling too much right now.

“He made pancakes.” Maddy’s happy again now she knows Sterling is fine.

“So that’s what I’m smelling. I think I could eat some.” He smiles at her, then his eyes fall on me. “Maddy knows how to feed the animals, but she’ll need your help to do it. Could you, please?”

“Sure. You just focus on recovering.” I wince. Apart from me having my way with him last night, there isn’t really much to ‘recover’ from. Being in heat is just part of life for an Omega, though, if he’s been taking pills ever since Maddy was born, I can imagine she’s never seen him like this before.

Sterling raise his eyebrows. “Nothing a couple of days of bed rest wouldn’t fix.” I know he’s trying to get me to shut up, but I just can’t.

I feel weird, this talking around the subject instead of about the subject, about what happened last night, what we did. “Maddy, can you put on work clothes, so we can feed the animals before breakfast?”

She nods and bounces off the bed. “I’ll put on my overalls.” And she’s gone.

Sterling lets out a low laugh, almost sad. “Logan bought her a new pair a couple of months ago, as she outgrew her previous one. And she’s so proud of it, apparently she now has a real ‘big girls’ version.”

I appreciate that he really doesn’t want to talk about all of this, but I need to. “Star…”

His eyes darken and his jaw sets. “Don’t. I don’t—”

But I cut him short. “I’m sorry. I won’t let it happen again. I feel so bad about last night.”

“Let it happen?” His voice sounds… off.

“Not controlling myself. Not protecting you from yourself…”

“You’ve not spent a lot of time with an Omega, have you?” He shakes his head. “There is no way to resist my heat. It happened. I’m confused as to why as I’ve never heard of this before, but it happened.” Tears start to form in his eyes. “You really don’t know much about Omegas, do you? I thought that before, you said you’d lost a mate? Did you not live with them?”

I look away. I can’t tell him that Logan was my mate. But I also can’t lie to him, he’d know. I’m sure of that. “He was an Alpha.” I wait for the judgement. Two Alpha’s together, it’s not right. Alphas mate Omegas, not other Alphas. That’s what Logan told me when he left, and I guess he was right…

“I’m sorry. I’m stupid for assuming…” Sterling touches my arm. “Don’t blame yourself for this. I initiated it and abused your instinct. When you followed me and opened that door… There wasn’t anything you could have done. My fault was not locking both doors to keep you out.”

“I could have stayed sane. You’re Logan’s mate.” I force the words out, I need to remind myself of this. No matter what happened last night, no matter the mark I left on his shoulder. “I’ll leave. It’s not safe if I stay here. Not for you.” Or for me.

“You can’t leave. I’m not in any state to run a household. I can’t even go outside. That wouldn’t be safe.” He sighs. “I know I’m Logan’s mate. Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think I’m as confused as you are, maybe even more? I hurt. This all hurts so much. But we’re going to have to make it work, at least for the next couple of days.” He curls up in bed, tears now sliding down his cheeks and I realise that Sterling probably hasn’t even slept; his voice, his puffy eyes, he must have been crying all night. “Do you know how painful and scary this is? I miss him.” His voice breaks and he squeezes his eyes shut tightly.

I kneel down next to the bed so I can look at him, putting my fingers to his cheek, wiping away the tears. I’m fighting to keep my own tears in check, my eyes already burning. “I know. I know how you feel.” He has no idea how similar we really are. I stand up again. “I’m going to get Maddy, and I’ll have her bring you up some breakfast later.” My voice sounds weird, hollow.

“Thank you.” His words are quiet.

“It’s what I’m here for.” I close the door behind me and Maddy pokes her head from her room. “Are you ready to feed the animals?”

“Yes!” Her eyes shine, but as she walks past Sterling’s door, she slows down. “Daddy’s in pain.” She looks at me. “He hurts. But not on the outside, on the inside, in his heart.” She touches her chest, pointing at the general direction of her heart with a finger.

I swallow hard, taking her hand and going down the stairs. “Yes, and that’s why we’re going to help him all that we can. So the pain goes away a little.”

She nods with a serious look on her face. “I’ll always help and protect Daddy.” I know she’s small, but if she’s anything like her dad or her aunt, I don’t doubt for one moment that she’d do it.

In the kitchen, Maddy puts on her rain boots and I take a quick look at my totally insufficient shoes. “Maddy, which shoes are your dad’s?” I remember having the same shoe size as Logan, made living together so much easier.

She points to a big black pair, sticking out from all the other more colourful pairs.

“Is it okay if I borrow them?” I don’t want to upset her by just taking them.

She nods. “He isn’t going to use them anymore anyway.” She looks absolutely serious and I feel a jab in my chest. Fuck. How am I going to survive this? Her eyes go up to me, tears forming. “That’s sad, right? It makes me sad.”

I kneel down, taking the little girl in my arms, my own tears no longer able to be pushed away. “Yes. Yes, it is.”

How can I stay and care for Sterling and Maddy? Especially with all the secrets I’m keeping from them?

At the same time… How can I leave them? How can I leave these beautiful people all on their own?

They need me.

I need them. More than they’ll ever know.